15 March 2010

losing sight, coming back round

Round and round and round and round and ...........
I seem to be caught in an epic spin cycle.  Looking back, it probably got started when we decided to leave Port Townsend in the summer of '08.  It gained and has been maintaining a frightening momentum ever since.  In this cycle I experience moments of clarity, days of crystal clear awareness and maybe a week here and there of inspired creative expression.  The nasty thing is, I haven't found my way to sustain those cherished glimpses.

Mostly it's a day-to-day thing.  It's hard to know if part of the challenge is the extenuating circumstances ... still adjusting to city living, the noise and traffic, the death metal garage band two doors down and their Saturday night jam sessions; maybe menopausal hormones, maybe the dark intensity of this winter ... probably all of the above.

Along the way, I'm trying as hard as I can to not wallow, to accept it all as a part of the process, to remember that behind or within my fears and anxieties is a wealth of information.  Thing is, it still feels like I'm spinning.  I woke this morning kind of bleary (I DETEST daylight saving time), but relatively positive, my morning's plan of attack loosely formed in my little ol' head.  Then something happens, something shifts and I spiral down for a couple of hours, surfing the internet, feeling lost.  Then I find a bit of sparkle, slowing the plunge ... Danielle's post today was timely (so many of them are) with a wonderful (and free) link to this, "What is Dying to be Born?", a sweet little e-book, which I promptly downloaded and printed out with a quick perusal.

The plunge slowed, I stop for lunch and paused to read a bit in another sweet little find from yesterday's jaunt to the news stand.  The images in this little publication hit me the same way each issue of my treasured Selvedge magazine hits me.  It's a visceral reaction.
Some of the most compelling images in the journal are from the interview with Tanya Marcuse about her series, Undergarments and Armor, this one especially, an Italian Brigandine from 1540.   The Fashion Projects site looks like it will provide a good bit of eye candy and interesting diversions, fuel for my creative spark.
It's finding these little bits that help me move into the upside of my spin cycle.  There's something about the paper, the muted warmth of the colors, the visual textures that immediately triggers my 'onward and up' switch.  Pia's blog does this as does the on-line TOAST catalog.  Another bit of an upswing came in the mail, the new Eileen Fisher flier.  I look at her clothes and, straight away, I'm brought back to my motivation for designing jewelry.  These are the clothes my work is meant to accompany.  These fabrics, these colors, these simple luxurious clothes.
So now I'm heading back up, sort of.  The gray, cold drizzly day isn't helping.  Ultimately, I know I will stop my dreadful spin cycle.  This has been a particularly long stretch, but I'm determined to come back round and emerge newly inspired and driven ... driven and energized by a deep seated passion for what I do, what I make and what I create.

deep breath .........
with gratitude and blessings - kvk


  1. i like the expression here, the openess.
    maybe it just is; we are so priveledged to know too much and be so aware and so surrounded by blessings, and yet we want more.

    i am still unsettled here too, how many months since i left a city, to come here, and i need a balance other than what i am in now too.

    sometimes its just inner house cleaning.
    i think i am going to look at "divine discontent" this year as a gift of sorts...

    i love your reminder.
    i kissed my vessel the other day, does that mean i am getting bits more accepting of something about loss> i don't yet know. as its creator you might like to know that. :)

  2. hey sweet woman,

    i'm just so happy to be here sharing this moment with you... that i know...

    i missed your phone call and the message on my blog about getting in touch, which was just as well as the time was already jam packed. and it flew by. i swear it was here and then gone.

    still getting settled in. my "thing" these days is to keep bringing myself back to where i am *right now*. that makes everything immediately simple. but things are a whirlin' and a poppin' in general, that much is for sure.

    i am sending you love and hugs...



  3. thinking I had posted replies and now seeing that is not the case ... curious.

    m - feeling settled, not sure what that is, but I would love to find out. The vessel is there for you and your journey to hold or fill or modify as needed.

    lynne - so glad you're home. I realized the visiting idea was a long shot, family is so much more important. working on peeling layers mentally and, with the coming equinox, hoping to start peeling clothing layers.

    xo blessings to you both


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