I can't really remember how it started, but here's how I wrote about it in mid-swing ...
"Looking back at so many painful memories from adolescence ... feelings of being supremely uncool, a misfit. For so many years, an underlying desire to achieve fame and fortune solely as a 'f-u' to everyone who dissed me in school - seems to be a pretty common motivation. I grew up feeling surrounded by thwarted potential, that mediocrity had been forced onto me along with a suffocating sense of lack, there was never enough.
But in drawing the line in the sand and resolving to create a new life paradigm, that old thorn began to irritate, age old pain flaring up. The pain has brought the thorn to the surface. While still sore and slightly inflamed, the tip is now exposed, primed for extraction. It is right and it is time for all those painful memories to lose their edge. Time for the inflammation to be lanced, the wound flayed open to be bathed in healing light and love."
The need for forgiveness has been the underlying theme. Over the last couple of weeks I've felt the tension easing, those ancient wounds starting to heal. But it's felt like there was still a missing piece. Then during this morning's meditation, it hit me square in the heart ... it's all well and good to forgive all those that had 'done me wrong', but bottom line, the one person that really needed forgiving was myself. When that thought came to me, the tears started pouring and my mind swirled with a long stream of awful and not so awful things that emerged as a long list of regrets. It does no good to forgive someone else if I haven't forgiven myself.
So to make it official, I hereby extract that dreadful and ever so long buried thorn and shout out to the world ...
I FORGIVE MYSELF!
I am a dynamic light filled force, heaven bent on sharing the love and light
that radiates from my heart like a supernova.
The tears are still flowing, but I am filled with so much joy and with so much gratitude .....
blessings - kvk
p.s. if this resonates ... "TRUE FORGIVENESS is the master release process, a tool that opens the energy field of the 'body' and liberates destructive energies from within. Once you actually understand Forgiveness, you will never forgive anyone again. Forgiveness is not letting another off the hook for their offenses. The root meaning of Forgiveness in Aramaic is 'to cancel, untie or let loose.' It is a tool for changing a reality in the mind." ... you might enjoy visiting this website.
p.s. if this resonates ... "TRUE FORGIVENESS is the master release process, a tool that opens the energy field of the 'body' and liberates destructive energies from within. Once you actually understand Forgiveness, you will never forgive anyone again. Forgiveness is not letting another off the hook for their offenses. The root meaning of Forgiveness in Aramaic is 'to cancel, untie or let loose.' It is a tool for changing a reality in the mind." ... you might enjoy visiting this website.
a powerful day... an open post... congratulations to you!
ReplyDeleteand I cherish each pce of your work I have and always get amazing comments when I wear them. Art on Taylor is where I've been tempted more that once...
Kathy, that is one huge thorn!! And quite the visual (and one that I will use if I may?) Thank you for sharing. Your words, your thoughts, your emotions echo mine so often... I continue to believe we are soul twins. I have just begun to address the forgiveness theme. I am happy to hear your are where you are today. You continue to inspire.
ReplyDeleteThan You<3
Keli - indeed, a very powerful day. And so very glad to share my jewels, aka my soul.
ReplyDeleteHillary - yes, we do share a distinct connection and please do use the image. I'm still very much a work in progress, but it feels really good. Thing is we never get it done and it's never finished. I just added a p.s. to my post, with this ... a forgiveness link you might find useful - http://www.whyagain.com/
You know, I think the concept of forgiveness is a great thing. But I think it begins with "permission". The idea of letting go is easy... but to get to that point, where you can just release... that's another thing. It's all about loving ourselves, being confident in ourselves, and believing in that we are where we need to be. The lessons are right in front of us. They are all there within us. We just have to give ourselves permission to learn the lessons.
ReplyDeleteI once tried to teach someone how to draw. They said, "I am not good at this. I cannot do this. My friend told me never to draw since I am so bad at this." And when she held the pencil, her hand went limp. When she tried to make a mark... it'd be this smeared, shaky thing. So I told her to stop. Put down the pencil and breathe. Then pick the pencil up and to have her write her name and then to put down the pencil and look again. "See... you've drawn arabesques, mountain peaks, desert clouds, the petals of flowers. You can draw." So we began again. And we focused on breaking down the walls that she had built and others had reinforced. We focused on the permission to draw, to create, and to be an artist.
We can all do miracles, we just have to give ourselves permission to believe. I am happy to see that you've given yourself permission to forgive and are moving into much greener territories.
Dear Andrew ... thank you for your wise words and excellent story. We are all a magnificent work in progress. Things tend to get so bloody serious I frequently forget to enjoy the unfolding. Just visualize me, joyously becoming, me!
ReplyDeleteo, i think i "have understanding" of a "swirl" now???
ReplyDelete.
perhaps your soul is so aware that it has been carrying something like dirty clothes or a dead smelly donkey, that it is insulted to continue. it is so sensitive, this soul, to its own essential purity, it shrugs off this burden--so that means you are in touch with the light. light streams. light loves, lances joy, dances, radiates, but sometimes it just digs a bit deeper and cleans (sometimes it touches the void, the All, and that is heavy too).
we are NEVER the cruelty of others--but we carry their shame. why?
blessings
YES! Light is cleansing and healing and bursting forth - I am and we are the light ... joyously becoming.
ReplyDeletexo blessings