Then today, it hit me when my 'uncool' image started ... 4th grade, Ruth Henegar Elementary School (1964). New kid in a big new school, all kinds of stuff to get involved in. I tried out for talent shows ... how many 4th graders want to get up in front of the entire student body and sing Moon River, first a-capella for the try-out, then with a Henry Mancini record for the official performances - there were two because everyone wouldn't fit into the auditorium at once. Then I ran for Sgt. at Arms of the Student Body, the only office open to 4th grade. I ran against Norma Gardner, the most popular girl of the class - I marvel at that awareness. Again, up in front of the whole school to make a speech. I had 3x5 note cards and ended up doing a bit of ad-libbing after hearing Norma's speech. Pretty sure it was a landslide in her favor.
I got pretty quiet after that and through the rest of my school years ... not a lot of friends, no dates, no prom, got stood up a few times including my 'best friend' ditching me on graduation night - boy did that suck. I'm thinking I didn't always make it easy on myself ... I specifically remember a time in high school spouting my theories about how it was totally possible to walk through walls ... it's really a wonder I had any friends at all. But now I'm looking back and it feels so much less ... a stinky lingering demon that, as of right now, seems to have lost most of its pizazz.
Then there's my wretched fear of the IRS. I can imagine I'm not the only home-based solo entrepreneur with that one. Ties into all those money issues. So when I got a big fat letter from the IRS yesterday, I thought I was going to be sick. It had been 'one of those days' and I was already not happy. The mail ran late, I wanted to sit down immediately and see what the heck was going on and how on earth could we owe another $2350, but I only had a few minutes to start my investigation before having to head to the kitchen - it was a long night. I dove in first thing this morning and came to realize I had misplaced a 1099-R for when we transferred an IRA and a 1099-INT for a wee bit of interest. It was looking like unreported income. Thankfully, the IRA stuff is in order and I'll just write a couple of teeny checks for the under-reported interest income. There's another demon - face to face and I'm just fine.
I've got to wonder why all of this matters. Pretty sure logic has absolutely nothing to do with it. But I figure taking the sting out of long held fears, bolstering my self-image, facing those lurking demons ... it has to be a good thing. And I've got a new self-image in mind ... me, standing tall (well as tall as 5'2'' will get ya'), acknowledging my gifts and unique abilities, a huge toothy grin on my face, wielding a staff firmly planted in the ground beside me. A line has been drawn in the sand in front of me and I'm raring to go ... a couple less demons in tow.
l i g a - kvk