You see, the thing is, I just don't lose things. Lots of people do, I don't. The last time I lost something I really cherished was 1993. We were just starting a 3 week cross country road trip and I lost a favorite earring in the parking lot of a Taco Bell in Andrews, NC. We were well down the road before I realized it was missing - so long earring. So when I realized yesterday afternoon that a beloved pin had chosen to leave my tattered red canvas coat, I was not quite distraught, but seriously disappointed. We retraced all our steps from the day, no luck. I actually don't remember it being there when I put the coat on, so it could have very well taken flight the last time I wore the coat, whenever or wherever that was, I have no idea. The pin was one of the first things I ever fabricated from sheet silver, made during a silversmithing workshop at the Campbell Folk School, I'm thinking in either 1998 or '99. I loved it because it was my favorite thing from that class - reticulation - picture a delighted Kathy the pyromaniac torching the surface of the sheet silver, watching it curl and de-form into a lovely surface texture, then sawed and assembled and accented and pin-back soldered into a rather lovely little object that always got nice complements.
Today, all I have is a less faded spot in the fabric and the dark tarnished holes left in my coat.
It's such a strange thing, losing a cherished object. On the one hand, I learned long ago, it's just stuff. The 7.1 Loma Prieta earthquake of 1989 drove that awareness home with significant force. On the other hand, I really did love that pin and I really never lose stuff, but I'm always one to look at things from different perspectives - Like why now or why that? As I lay in bed last night hoping for sleep to overtake my active brain, those questions and more swirled around in my head ... there were ideas for designing new pins and new pmc experiments to try and wondering if anyone had found my pin or if it got smushed by a snow plow somewhere or I wonder what would happen if I did this or that and boy I need to stop this and try to go to sleep and counting my blessings and going through all the things I'm grateful for and I wonder if I'll ever see my pin on someone else's coat and would I say anything if I did??? I'll just say that I did finally fall asleep, but it was a less than restful night.
I'm fascinated by what shifts within me when once-cherished belongings loose their spark ... and I'm equally intrigued by how cathartic it can be when choosing to part with those now lack lustre belongings ... shipping off my 20 year Ornament magazine collection to a reader of my blog and carting off an even bigger stack of American Craft magazines to the library's magazine exchange bin, oof, that was a really big step for me; finally trading in that book, a birthday present from an old flame from 35 years ago; or a beloved mug breaks, well I can glue it back together and use it on my worktable to hold pencils or tools. So the observer in me is very curious about how such a very small thing, loosing my pin, can have such an impact. I'm still mulling it over, but it's very curious indeed.
It was such a strange week. Kind of all over the place with ups and downs and sideways twists and turns.
Little Zoe had a $500 visit to the vet - oof! She's got calcified crystals in her bladder (or something like that) and is now on prescription cat food, but is doing much better. Large sigh of relief here. I've had some nightmare vet visits and one in particular I have yet to forgive myself for. Like my brother says, I've got to let that one go. I'm trying, really I am, but that doesn't make leaving little Zoe at the vet for a couple of hours any easier. As for the money, I honestly don't care how much it costs to make sure my little sweetie is okay, but that was a surprisingly big chunk.
My new cookware arrived and is wonderful and perfect, but turns out the same brand utensils that I ordered along with the cookware are not the recommended utensils. It would have been nice if I could have found that somewhere before ordering. No big deal, I'll just return them, but still.
I got some delicious additions to my library - sweet, fresh and juicy inspiration bound up in three lovely volumes ...
Ethnic Jewellery from Africa, Asia and Pacific Islands I used to check out from the library in Port Townsend and forgot how good it is. It's a good one!
Fashion Jewelry, Catwalk and Couture by Maia Adams is new to me, found while cruising around on Amazon. It's British, new last year and has several designers I'm familiar with, but lots more new ones with lots of excellent photos and pretty decent bios along with website links ... very juicy!
And the last one is a Taschen publication, Fashion, The Collection of the Kyoto Costume Institute, A History from the 18th to 20th Century that I found in the bargain section of Barnes and Noble. Boy howdy, it is LUSH!
So it really has been a roller coaster of a week, emotional and stressful and joyous and scary and disappointing and uplifting. I'll continue to mull over my lost pin and the why that, why now of it's departure. I'll look forward to perusing my new volumes of inspiration before getting back to work on orders and website updates. I'll look forward to getting a decent night's sleep and starting fresh tomorrow.
Letting go is a good thing, really.
blessings - kvk