06 January 2012

paralyzed by piles

It's been 2 or 3 weeks since I've actually sat at my worktable to work.  Over the last few months, I've been collecting inspirational articles, get your game on links, how-to books, personal improvement programs started and stalled, guided meditation MP3's downloaded and not yet heard, interesting and usually expensive magazines - that's an ongoing addiction - unread and lord knows what else.  I feel like I'm drowning in piles.  There's also the various piles on my worktable ... jewelry repairs - I'm a horrible slug when it comes to repairs, Dave's new britches that need to be hemmed - well to my credit I've done 3 of the 4 pairs, custom work that needs to be mailed, my new order of steel metal clay that hasn't been unwrapped.  And the problem is, I can't seem to settle down to do anything with any of it. 

Itchy, that's how I feel - well itchy and tired.  My intention has been to get up when Dave leaves for work at 7:15, brush my teeth, rinse my face, either do a bit of yoga or sit down for a morning meditation before making tea and turning on the computer and getting sucked into emails and blogs and facebook.  What I've been doing instead ... going back to sleep and not waking until 8 or 8:30, brushing teeth, washing face, making tea, getting breakfast and parking my backside in front of this bloody computer for at least a couple of hours before I come to and realize I should be doing something productive.  Then I've had to go out every day this week for some errand or something and once I'm out of the house, I can kiss studio productivity goodbye.  Like I said ... itchy.   

So what am I doing right now?  I've snapped a couple of pics of my piles and am sharing them here ... I'm hoping to stop this annoying cycle, start sorting through my piles and see what's there.

the worktable piles .........

the computer table piles .......

the piles of books and printed articles and magazines - front ...........

and side ...........

I'm wanting to learn more about leatherwork, so I've been checking out all the books at the library pile .....

and then I'm switching sales reps, so I've go my samples that need to be cleaned up and new trays ordered for a new presentation and catalogs printed and all of it boxed up to ship back out west .........

All that momentum from October and November ... pfffft ... gone.  Maybe it wouldn't feel so annoying if it wasn't the New Year and everyone's making lists and planning and strategizing and I'm just sitting here paralyzed by my piles on top of piles.  

I know this will pass.  The ideas and inspiration are still there.  It's winter and this is a natural cycle and I probably go through this every year.  The planets are probably lined up all weird or something or hormones are shifting or my body is just recovering from all the holiday overindulging or whatever ... cripe ... doesn't make it any easier to be wallowing around in it. 

Stalling out again ...
time to stop, change my focus and see if I can find some motivation for something ... anything.
deep breaths
to be continued ......

l i g a - kvk


  1. maniacal laughter on this end, can you hear it? for all the understood reasons?
    you ARE already doing something constructive, simply by writing the words and then releasing them into the universe. the rest will come, you know that better than i do.
    i love you - xoxo

  2. yeah, I know my piles are nothing like yours and you know I was thinking of you the whole time I was writing this ... but it's all relative and now I've got a smile on my face instead of teeth clenched and brow furrowed ... thank you for that!
    BTW - how'd it work that blogger let you leave a comment? very relieved on my end.

  3. You are not alone! I have a terrible time starting let alone staying with anything this time of year. And the piles, well let me share, mine were so bad that I would not be brave enough to show anyone what my work tables looked like. But I have started to whittle away at them, one tiny little bit at time. But as Nina said, just putting words there is the very best start. It will all happen when you are ready for it to happen.

  4. The energy you came to at the end of the post feels like the place to hang out for awhile. IMHO some part of you needs to be idle right now. Needs to be stalled. And is waiting for you to look at her and say--"you're okay honey. I am not pissed off at you for keeping me from my work. How about if you and I do one teeny thing together then we can go back to being idle again for awhile." Loving attention and acceptance and curiosity...Asking her--what do you need now?

  5. Thanks, LeAnn and Pearl, good advice ... more deep breaths.

  6. Kathy, do not think for one second that you're alone in this. I go through it every year after the holidays, but this year I've intentionally put myself on sabbatical. Or something like that. I know that I don't have to start producing anything until the end of March, so I'm just not working. If I feel like it, that's OK, but I'm not pushing myself or feeling guilty for not working. The piles and the projects are getting handled a little at a time. I even painted my fingernails the other day because I won't be doing anything to mess up the manicure! This too shall pass and give yourself a break in the meantime.

  7. Well heck. I'm itchy to see what you will be creating. But I can wait till you're ready.
    vickie in kc


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