17 May 2012

how much am I worth ... another thorn extraction

As of late, and you might have noticed, I've been fairly consumed with the business side of things.  I've got stacks of books and downloaded programs and free pdf's, reams of would-be inspiration, sage advice and the promise of innovative thinking.  I'm always on the lookout for the next best, shiny thing ... this one's gonna help ... for sure!  Some of it has been quite helpful, some not so much.  A lot of it is follow through or the lack thereof.  I hear repeatedly and know, really I do know, that the answers are in me.  But I'm just flat out tired of trying to figure it all out on my own ... hence all those stacks of worksheets and programs with potentially innovative thinking.   

The thing about being a solo entrepreneur ... is that I'm a solo entrepreneur.  It's always been me, all me, all by my little own self.  With the exception of a one week silversmithing class, I'm self taught.  I do everything ... graphics - all my business cards and product info and catalogs and photography, copy writing, websites, shopping carts, accounting, designing and making.  And with ever changing technology and the entire paradigm for doing business in flux, it's making me a bit crazy. 

I had recently been considering a multi-week program that was $1000.  The fact that I was even considering that is kind of a big deal.  I just don't invest in my business ... why pay someone else when I know I can figure it out on my own ...  I'm a hardcore DIY girl ... always and forever.  Or not ... those reams of paper would certainly beg to differ.  I finally decided the program wasn't really what I needed. 

Then I started following Marie Forleo's new B-School pre-launch video series ... good content in the videos and I really liked the accompanying worksheets.  So when the big pitch video came, I was dying to know ... how much is this bad boy gonna be?  Of course, I skipped right to the sign-up page to see and when I read the $1999 price tag - no surprise that my knee-jerk reaction and the first words I thought were, "No f'in way ... no wonder she's a millionaire."

So, on Tuesday, I got to thinking about B-School again.  Why couldn't I spend 2 grand if it would really help my business?  We invest in Dave's education, why not invest in me and my business?  Yesterday Dave and I sat down to watch the pitch video together.  We talked about the pros and cons, whether it would be a good fit for me, it covers a few things that I do pretty well - is that time well spent, how would I feel about being in among the hoards (how many hundreds enrolled) - groups are not one of my strong points, how did I feel about the much younger perky thrust of the whole thing?  Add in that I'm not known for doing well when someone tells me this is THE way to do something - I tend to do my best to prove them wrong.  

As our discussion continued, here's where the thorn started to poke through.  Why haven't I invested in me and my business?  A few years ago, Dave's mom offered to do just that.  The very idea that anyone would want to invest in ME ... I wept.  I didn't take her up on it ... remember I'm a hardcore DIY girl ... but just knowing it was an option was huge.  Turns out, it's still a big deal.  Remembering and talking about that yesterday, tears again, relating yesterday's events to a friend this morning, tears again.  You know, I think I might have some self-worth issues ... ya think?    

So what we decided ... yes I am worthy of the investment.  Golly, it makes me lightheaded and my eyes cross just writing that ... okay, deep breaths.  Maybe B-School is not the best fit for me.  Don't try to force my octagonal self into that round hole.  Maybe it would be better to look for a coach or consultant to work one-on-one and address my specific needs.   

What I'm asking myself right now ... What do I really want help with?  How am I going to approach my search?  If a coach has the right experience, does age matter?  Do I set limits ... for spending, for time?  Questions, yes, I need to ask myself lots of questions. 

I'm definitely feeling a bit different.  That tightness surrounding my self-worth image is lessening.  Now that I'm acknowledging and breathing into my worthiness and giving it light and new life, the answers will come.  I am worth every cent I choose to invest and more.  I am, yes indeed, I certainly am.

onward...
l i g a - kvk

18 comments:

  1. Tonya Davidson owner of a whole lottsy whimsy in Tucson is doing what you are explaining.. check her out. authentic, smart, experienced

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    1. Thanks Joan! I forgot that Tonya does the coaching thing ... I'll look into it for sure.

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  2. Wow I was just talking to my friend about this. I seem to have a problem gifting myself with what I need to be successful. I would give a lung to my friends and family but am hesitant to invest in myself. I will offer you the same advice that I was given today...Go for it. You are amazing with a lot to offer. You are worth the gift of building your own success. I hope you can grab that ring. I'm still having a problem with it. By the way I have really enjoyed your writing and jewelry.

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    1. Thank You for joining the conversation! You're so right about not taking care of ourselves. I keep hearing that airplane analogy - when the oxygen mask drops down, put yours on first and then help the next person. It's essential. Ignoring our gifts and not stepping into our full potential is just no longer an option. Yep, I am going for it!

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  3. Okay, we should talk!! I can't believe how we are on very similar pages or paths. Geez.
    Let's compare notes some day soon.

    xo
    hillary

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    1. no surprise there! We're always on the same path!

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  4. How odd. This is the same conversation I have been having with Peter and with my internal self over the last week or so. I have some ideas I've wanted to pursue for a few years but was waiting for the right moment somewhere in the future to invest in myself. At the core of finding that moment is that very thing of self worth and finding some external proof that I am worth this investment. But I've come to the realisation that the perfect moment of clarity over my being worthy is not ever going to happen. I am already worthy, and so are you. Age, training, all of those things do not matter. It's all about right now. So go find that thing, that coach, the match that is right for you. The estimation of self worth is internal and you are worthy!

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    1. Looks like there's a lot of this conversation going around ... a seriously good thing! No more waiting. We are all worthy and I love this opportunity to celebrate that very thing!

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  5. Isn't it interesting how people can be going through the same things at the same time? I'm in much the same boat! Circumstances have recently arranged themselves so I'm in the position to spend money- practically as much money as I think I need- to invest in my business. I have to say I've never shied away from investing in my business- most of what I make goes back into it but never once in terms of courses or even books, always in tools, supplies, packaging etc. I need tangibles. Like you I'm hardcore DIY and have truly never felt the need to pay someone for their information- there's SO MUCH free stuff on the internet. Additionally once you've figured out your questions, I think you should blog them; with all your readers minds put together I don't think there's any subject we couldn't crack! And I can tell you something else- of all the jewelry artists I see about the place nowadays, you are one of the rare few who truly MUST find a way to succeed even more than you already have, because you have genuine high talent.

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    1. Wow! Thanks, Sparrow! High praise indeed ... I am honored.

      It's a strange thing to actually have the money to spend. I grew up listening to my Mom and grandmother trying to scrape together funds for my school pictures or finding enough money to buy toilet paper and a package of hot dogs and most of my adult life has been living paycheck to paycheck. It feels horribly unfair that I now have financial options. I think it's a big reason why I've been clenching my jaw for the last two years. I feel guilty that I do have a choice ... not sure what to do about that.

      And of course, you are so very right - we've got incredible resources right at our fingertips. I honestly go back and forth. I know I can figure it all out with the help of this blog and the vast www, but some days I wouldn't mind someone else doing the legwork. I spend a lot of time straddling that fence.

      Right now, I'm just going to stay open and see where I'm inspired to go.

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  6. As you say... a thorny question indeed, and one that I have also been tuned into - we must be tuned into a universal consciousness! I have also looked at the Marie Forleo course, looked at the bottom line and thought similar thoughts to yours with similar words! I am also a dyed in the wool DYI exponent and I just cant bring myself to take this step...Perhaps I should, but I know I won't.
    A big part of my hesitation is because I want to represent myself, be true to my own authentic self, and I'm not sure that I want someone to tell me that I need to commercialise my work in a way that doesn't resonate with me. Am I avoiding confronting my shortcomings? Posssibly!
    Good luck with your decision - I'm sure that whatever it is it will be right for you.
    I'll also enjoy hearing about the course if you decide to go with it.
    Very best wishes,
    Lesley.

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    1. Thanks, Lesley! Seems like it's all about finding the best fit. The main thing is, I've decided I'm ready to invest in myself. Just making that decision has been huge, so now I can be patient and search out my best options. Stay tuned!

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  7. okay, here i have to step up and disagree with you on one single point. you say "The thing about being a solo entrepreneur ... is that I'm a solo entrepreneur. It's always been me, all me, all by my little own self." but it truly isn't just you. you have dave!! and he is there to offer you advice, support, he is there to listen to you sound things out. he offers pros and cons, he has a mother who is willing to help. these are all HUGE things. no ma'am, you are not all on your own. and he is also able to help with the money side of things, by being duly employed and paying for bills, for a juicer, for a trip here and there, for the roof of the studio. all of that helps you to focus more fully on your side of the business at hand. here's to dave...

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  8. Okay, So I listened awhile to Marie Forleo's intro. I got so tired waiting for her to say something of substance that I got bored. A few years ago my business partner/husband and I took a expensive 3 day course about marketing to the federal government (not art but architecture). It sounded so positive and practical and obvious. They were so enthusiastic, we were so jazzed coming out of workshop. We worked at it, followed the program, did the steps and didn't make any progress on getting federal jobs. My conclusion was that some of these programs/workshops are great when you sell widgets but when you sell creations not so much. Yes, we creatives need to setup our website, webstore, work on getting the search engines going, get published, get our name out there but we need to create too not just order more widgets. I am trying to set some goals or mini steps to get to the same place a lot of us want to be. Sparrow is right lets blog, ask questions of successful creatives, most are willing to share. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. We can get there.

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    1. I do like Marie's worksheets from those first two launch videos. But I've pretty much decided that the on-line program format is not for me. I've got specific needs and, if I'm going to pay for anything, it'll be a one-on-one gig.

      Another thing - It seems like most everything out there is geared towards the 25-40 age range. I think it's really important for 'more mature' women (like me - I'm 56) to rally and support each other. I for one have plenty of generational issues I'm working through ... and can't forget the physical changes that are making life so interesting right now.

      And moving forward my biggest stumbling block will be learning to be okay with asking for help. That one's huge.

      Thanks for joining in the conversation! Let's keep it going....

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  9. Kathy: Me too 56! March 26. I agree. One of my biggest blocks is to make sure that my art doesn't look like it is coming from a 56 year old. I want it mature but not old lady like!

    I am learning to ask for help as well but I am also learning to say no when I don't want to do something.

    Have a good day.
    Kolby

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    1. Digging deep, remembering to stretch and breathe into it. We just need to work from our core not our brains ... that work is always valid and fresh and worth doing. Being open without feeling vulnerable - makes me clench just thinking about it ... this will be me - breathing in ... breathing out .........

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